Mid-life, Mid-career

20 years ago when I decided to go to law school I knew I would graduate at age 31 with a career ahead of me, but never believed I would unemployed at age 49, and opening my own practice to stay alive and support my family in a historically bad economy.  

I remember graduating college at age 20 in another recession (1980) and listening to every commencement speaker discuss how we were graduating at a horrible time and none of us would have jobs.  Most of my classmates went to graduate school.  I entered the job market and struggled for several years in journalism and the broadcasting industry before deciding that as a strong, aggressive, intelligent woman, I had no future in the broadcasting business especially without a MBA or a JD.   So I went to law school, fell in love with litigation and trial evidence, worked as an assistance prosecutor and deputy attorney general.  Tried cases, got married, had a child, got divorced, needed money, went to private practice, got married again.  But now, as a woman who is not a partner because of the years spent as a government lawyer, without a book of business to support my existence in a law firm, I am not marketable in this current climate.  So, as a professional who is mid-career, mid-life, I find myself starting my own practice, filing for unemployment (something I haven't done in 25 years).  

I think back to where we were as a country 25 years ago.  In 1979 I bought my first car - a Chevy Citation, a horrible lemon but it was a four-cylinder car with a four-speed manual transmission.  It got 36 miles per gallon, a requirement emanating from the OPEC-driven oil shortages in the 70's and our efforts toward energy independence.  Then during the Reagan years, the mileage standards were rolled back and our dependance on foreign oil grew, our foreign policies became distorted by our dependance on oil.  

We seem as a country to have no sense of history, no memory of how we got to where we are, and no political will to change it.  If France had the same conditions, people would be rioting in the streets, and going on strike.  But we Americans passively accept what is happening, shrug our shoulders in resignation and go on with our day, struggling to stay alive, feed our families, keep a roof over our heads, in the American tradition of personal responsibility rather than collective responsibility for our communities and our neighbors.  

Maybe it is time to learn something from other countries rather than put them down.  Maybe internationalism is positive, international law is something we can learn and benefit from, rather than something to be afraid of, and condescend to.  Those countries we sneer at have better cars that get better gas mileage than we do, better health care, better retirement and vacation benefits,  important little or no oil, do not destroy their environment, engage in real urban planning, frown on corporate farms, have a healthy food system,  maybe something is terribly wrong with this picture. 

The Republican revolution that started with their demi-god Ronald Reagan has failed on so many levels.  Reaganites always say unequivocally how Reagan destroyed the Soviet Union, but its collapse was inevitable because its economy was unsustainable.  Our collapse was not inevitable, driven by greed and corruption.  

So here I am, mid-life, mid-career, wondering how to salvage both, pay for college for my son in four years, pay for retirement, stay alive.  Where is my bail out?