Growing up

When are we ever really grown up? This topic came up yesterday for me during a client meeting with someone who is not happy about turning 30, when I will shortly be turning 50. He is not ready. I never believed I would make it to 30, thinking drinking and drugs would kill me. Instead, I found sobriety at 28 and here I am.

In these times, do we grow up when we graduate college? Don't think so. Many of us these days don't marry, don't have children for years. We work and play and live independent lives but not really grown up ones. Very little responsibility to anyone but ourselves, and some for work. Is it when we get married? Somewhat, as we then begin to have responsibility toward others, maybe buy a house, work more and harder with greater consequences for failure. Certainly becoming a parent is a big one, forcing one into maturity in ways we cannot anticipate or dream.

Another milestone in my life is happening next week, when my son begins high school. The days and years since his birth passed so fast, it is impossible to believe he is 13 and entering high school, with four years left until he begins to leave for college. Even knowing that he will be in and out of my home for the college years, it is still the anticipation of this sea change in life that frightens me. For any parent, our identities and days are so wrapped around parenthood, making sure our child has what he needs be it food, clothes, education, medical care, toys, friends, family, not in any particular order, just depending on the day and time.

Then one day, before we realize it is happening, he will be almost grown up, independent, going through the same process that we experienced, but in a different world then what we experienced growing up.

While we grew up in the Cold War, these children have grown up with the post 9/11 world. We grew up with computers that occupied and entire room. These children are growing up with the world literally at their fingertips with smart phones and the internet. We grew up fighting the government to keep our personal information private from government oversight and intrusion during the 60s and 70s, Watergate, and the Pentagon Papers. These children are growing up with no privacy via MySpace and Facebook, Twitter, and the big brother found in these social networking sights.

I can't say which is better. History may tell us or not. But it is a sure bet that we won't be here to find out.