Cleaning out

When I was a child, I was very focused on being organized and systematic, in contrast to the chaotic house I lived in. Organizing my possessions, clothes, toys, books, felt like the only thing I could control, since I lived with a parent who was compulsive, compulsive spending, compulsive hoarding - food, clothes, medicine and vitamins, newspapers, magazines, catalogues, papers.

I have not lived at home for more than 30 years, but I still am always cleaning out, afraid of accumulating too much. About 20 years ago I read a book about Kabalah. A few concepts really spoke to me, one being one of emptying out, that if I am emptying out, cleaning out, I am leaving room for G-d, and other positive energy. But if I am hoarding, then I am blocking positive energy and positive things from reaching me. Emptying out could be anything, from stuff, to emotional baggage. So I have spent years, emptying out negativity, from old unused clothes and possession, to old emotional baggage that weighs me down and prevents me from soaring. It is both frightening and freeing to make change in life, as much as it is to clean out - that type of change.

With that said, I am in a cleaning out phase. When we returned home from our vacation, (with too much time on my hands) I organized my closet and drawers, cleaning out several bags of clothes, and making a commitment to wear everything in my closet before I repeated summer clothes, and will do the same for fall/winter clothes. As I go, I am finding more and more to clean out, forcing myself to empty out irrelevant baggage from my life.

A&E has a new show about OCD including people who hoard. It is fascinating to watch the program and realize how the compulsions start, the fears, and that is it not so far-fetched or unreasonable. The relationship people can have to their possessions, food, papers, what others would think of as junk. Now that my husband has watched a few episodes, he is now cleaning out too.